Personal Note of a “Popular” Author

I am so worried about those unknown piercing eyes and those unheard mocking laughter that I feel nauseated.  Is it that thinking about the crowd’s perception has led to psychological imbalance?

Chetan Bhagat

Chetan Bhagat’s image is only indicative in nature

When I was aspiring to be an author, all I wanted was to get my first book published, not for anyone but myself.   All I think now while writing is “Whether people will like it”? There was a sense of achievement after completing my only authentic work, my first book. At that time I didn’t even know how and what to expect. And then as the book became the bestseller I too became a celebrity. Media started hailing me as a youth icon.  Initially, I felt awkward in those public forums where I was projected as the face of young India and hence expected to be rhetoric. I realised more cynical I sound more resounding was the ovation.  Tragedy is that limelight intoxicates, incomparably.  What could have I done? I wrote series of books to please fans, publishers and media.  And more pleased they were!!  I became narcissist, desire for more affection never ceased; to an extent that now it is unbearable.  Who is to blame for it? I wrote what people expected, I did what they thought was right.

The only solace is perhaps, they don’t have the sight to guess my mental state.   I was never a pusillanimous but people have confined me to live within my proven abilities. Rightly so I believe.  Isn’t living my life being mediocre better than to risk it being great and end up being a  nobody? Isn’t it better for me to be monotonous than to risk being heroic and end up being an outcast? After all, am I not supposed to be a social animal?

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